If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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