My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
