you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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