I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
