how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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