Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
