Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
