I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
