i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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