Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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