we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
