god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
