Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
