so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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