I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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