My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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