I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
