Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
