Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
