Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
