I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
