what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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