i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
