also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I just put wine in my tea
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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