Are we in a gay sports bar?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
