i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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