Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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