My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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