At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
