We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
