I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
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Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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