My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
