the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
