i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
