he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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