thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
