My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
