Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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