I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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