Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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