Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
