If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
