Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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