I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
