Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
