So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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