Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
