I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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