I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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