Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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