one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
