My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I cannot find my penis.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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