I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
