I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
