EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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