I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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