The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
