Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
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