Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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