Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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