I need help removing her.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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