it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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