A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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