he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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