based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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