Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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