fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pants are for mortals
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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