1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
