I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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