i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
