By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
