Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
