my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
not ubering you a puppy
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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