I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
