Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
