I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
