doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
